Last night, this earth lost one of the most beautiful and inspiring women I ever had the fortune of knowing. She was one of those rare teachers who demanded excellence all while encouraging your unique talents. She was one of those rare mothers who managed to be there on every level for her children and remember that it was the memories that counted. She was one of those rare women who simply lit up a room, put warmth in your heart and radiated with God's love. And it always seems those rare women are the one's that leave us too soon.
Kris Ross leaves three children and a husband behind. She leaves her family here. She leaves countless friends here. And now she sits with her Father, watching and keeping peace and strength for those of us that mourn. She is the epitome of what a guardian angel should be. And what an amazing guardian angel those three children and her husband now have.
Deaths like these make anger a quick response. What a wretched disease breast cancer is. You want rail against the injustice of such a lovely life being ended before she got to see her children graduate high school, or get married, or have children of their own. What a fantastic grandmother she would have been! Deaths like this, make screaming at the heavens seem intelligent. The loss that this world feels, the mourning that is felt, just seems to large to cope with. But in the end the screaming only leaves you feeling hollow. The anger only leaves you feeling empty.
So I'll thank God today. For a woman who encouraged my 8th grade self when it was desperately needed. For a woman who saw something in my writing that until recently I had forgotten I possessed. I'll thank God she was placed in our community for that short period. For the lives she altered, for the paths she changed. I'll thank Him for the three lives she carried and nurtured. I'll say thank you that they knew their mother if only for a brief time. Thank you for allowing her to be Todd's wife. Thank you for allowing her to be a friend and an inspiration. Thank you for her life.
Today I will forget the laundry and the dishes and chores and endless tasks that always replicate and never end. And I will watch a movie with my boys and hold them. I will finger paint and make play dough sculptures and bake sugar cookies. I WILL be thankful for what I've been given. I will actually pay attention when I kiss my husband hello tonight and allow myself to be present. I will take moment and stop, and look around and be thankful. I've been given such a beautiful life. And am so lucky it was touched by Kris Ross. Her body may no longer be here but her spirit lives on forever. Thank you.
Monday, October 10, 2011
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Month 2 of Hive Hell
So after a month it is more than time to go back to my primary care physician and talk about an allergist. He'd run some prelim tests in which not much came back and didn't really tell us anything and let's see we are going on 6 weeks and I STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME! To say it's frustrating just doesn't cover the magnitude of the issue.
Everyday I wake up and hope and pray there aren't new hives on my body. Everyday I hope and pray that when I get home from the gym there aren't new hives on my body. Everyday I hope and pray that I will just make it through the day without wanting to rip off my skin or itch or rub or cry from the pure and very unsatisfying feelings of failure to help myself and self loathing. You see, when you take a woman who already has severe body issues, who already thinks she is failing at life in most areas (another blog, another day) and keep her from going to the gym or being able to drink a glass of wine because of all the meds, or garden or take a walk because of the ridiculous heat, you keep her from being able to soak in a hot tub or take a hot shower because, again, of the heat... well, then you've taken every single on of her stress relievers. When you take away every single one of my stress relievers and I'm left with nothing but my words and my feelings, you've left me in a very lonely place where I can very easily self destruct. And I turn to food. I turn to food to comfort me. I turn to food.
So at week 6 I'm in to see an allergy specialist. His name is Dr. Herscher and I've got to be honest here, he just doesn't inspire a whole lot of confidence. I explain everything: the hives, when they started, the swelling, when that started, the uncontrollable nature of everything. No I can't pin point a specific detail tying it all together. Yes it happens all the time. No I'm not using anything new. Yes, I've tried multiple topical products. Yes, I'm taking anti-histamines. Here's what I'm on: Benedryl, Zyrtec, Zantac, Doxepin. Zyrtec and Zantac twice a day, Benedryl as needed. Doxepin at night. I'm the walking dead. Do you know how I feel on a daily basis ingesting all of that?
He looks at me, throws out a couple of possibilites but he's pretty sure it's food related. Asks me what I eat a lot of and starts ticking off boxes. In the end, I'm leaving with a lab request for Lab Corp. A VERY LONG lab request for Lab Corp. With almost every food I eat regularly and things like gluten and bulgar and wheat, and all of the outside stimulants: grasses and pollen and trees.
Now, see, I've only been on the Doxepin for about a week and it is helping. I think I had about 4 or 5 days without any hives! And those days felt like heaven, literal heaven. I almost felt normal. Except for the waiting for the other shoe to drop part. And we go on vacation. My oldest niece, Chelsey, was graduating from high school and we decided to take the boys to Sea World. My appointment was on a Friday and I didn't have time to go to Lab Corp before we left so I went when we got back.
Almost three weeks later!!! And still no results. Partly due to this: So it turns out the swelling does have a small link. Sex. Intercourse. Yeah, that sucks. Within hours afterwards, every time, something swells. It obviously did not take long to uh, put two and two together, but once I did, I called, assuming that new tests might need to be run. I was, of course, right and now I'm stuck waiting longer for results since we added to the requests and had to come in and draw some more blood. This little piece of info has put a major damper on my relationship with my husband. Sex = swelling. No sex = no swelling. Well you can figure out which equation we function under currently.
This brings us to now. Specifically, last Friday. June 8, 2011. I finally get a call. You know 10 weeks from the beginning of all this insanity. 10 weeks of HIVE HELL. As it turns out I'm allergic to quite a few things. We'll start with the level 1's: Chicken, Strawberry, Zucchini. The level 2's: Peaches, Pineapple, Summer squash, Winter squash, Pumpkin, Broccoli, Citrus Fruit. And for the next month I have to give all of these up. All of them. Don't touch them, don't eat them, don't even look at them. They are off limits. They are food bombs.
Everyday I wake up and hope and pray there aren't new hives on my body. Everyday I hope and pray that when I get home from the gym there aren't new hives on my body. Everyday I hope and pray that I will just make it through the day without wanting to rip off my skin or itch or rub or cry from the pure and very unsatisfying feelings of failure to help myself and self loathing. You see, when you take a woman who already has severe body issues, who already thinks she is failing at life in most areas (another blog, another day) and keep her from going to the gym or being able to drink a glass of wine because of all the meds, or garden or take a walk because of the ridiculous heat, you keep her from being able to soak in a hot tub or take a hot shower because, again, of the heat... well, then you've taken every single on of her stress relievers. When you take away every single one of my stress relievers and I'm left with nothing but my words and my feelings, you've left me in a very lonely place where I can very easily self destruct. And I turn to food. I turn to food to comfort me. I turn to food.
So at week 6 I'm in to see an allergy specialist. His name is Dr. Herscher and I've got to be honest here, he just doesn't inspire a whole lot of confidence. I explain everything: the hives, when they started, the swelling, when that started, the uncontrollable nature of everything. No I can't pin point a specific detail tying it all together. Yes it happens all the time. No I'm not using anything new. Yes, I've tried multiple topical products. Yes, I'm taking anti-histamines. Here's what I'm on: Benedryl, Zyrtec, Zantac, Doxepin. Zyrtec and Zantac twice a day, Benedryl as needed. Doxepin at night. I'm the walking dead. Do you know how I feel on a daily basis ingesting all of that?
He looks at me, throws out a couple of possibilites but he's pretty sure it's food related. Asks me what I eat a lot of and starts ticking off boxes. In the end, I'm leaving with a lab request for Lab Corp. A VERY LONG lab request for Lab Corp. With almost every food I eat regularly and things like gluten and bulgar and wheat, and all of the outside stimulants: grasses and pollen and trees.
Now, see, I've only been on the Doxepin for about a week and it is helping. I think I had about 4 or 5 days without any hives! And those days felt like heaven, literal heaven. I almost felt normal. Except for the waiting for the other shoe to drop part. And we go on vacation. My oldest niece, Chelsey, was graduating from high school and we decided to take the boys to Sea World. My appointment was on a Friday and I didn't have time to go to Lab Corp before we left so I went when we got back.
Almost three weeks later!!! And still no results. Partly due to this: So it turns out the swelling does have a small link. Sex. Intercourse. Yeah, that sucks. Within hours afterwards, every time, something swells. It obviously did not take long to uh, put two and two together, but once I did, I called, assuming that new tests might need to be run. I was, of course, right and now I'm stuck waiting longer for results since we added to the requests and had to come in and draw some more blood. This little piece of info has put a major damper on my relationship with my husband. Sex = swelling. No sex = no swelling. Well you can figure out which equation we function under currently.
This brings us to now. Specifically, last Friday. June 8, 2011. I finally get a call. You know 10 weeks from the beginning of all this insanity. 10 weeks of HIVE HELL. As it turns out I'm allergic to quite a few things. We'll start with the level 1's: Chicken, Strawberry, Zucchini. The level 2's: Peaches, Pineapple, Summer squash, Winter squash, Pumpkin, Broccoli, Citrus Fruit. And for the next month I have to give all of these up. All of them. Don't touch them, don't eat them, don't even look at them. They are off limits. They are food bombs.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Month 1 of Hive Hell
I have hives. It's technical name being Chronic Urticaria as they have now existed on my body for longer than 8 weeks with no explanation and/or cause/cure. Here is what I have to say about this information:
RATCHFLATCHABRANCHABREDGAFLATCHABBBBBBBBBLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAA!!!!
So with that said... Let me explain whats going on, my journey with this nonsense and why I've finally come here. Either Easter weekend or the week following I began breaking out in random hives. We're not sure as to the exact date because I thought I'd been bitten by mosquitoes Easter weekend in Ozona but now we think those "bites" were probably early hives. These raised welts on my body were small at first. Itched like the dickens but really, could be ignored if I just tried really hard. It was about a week after this that I realized they were hives and not mosquito bites. Really though, I wasn't worried. I just assumed I had gotten into something and that eventually it would run through my system and all of this would go away.
And then the swelling started. First was my right eye. Jason was playing a game, I was playing with the iPad and as bedtime drew closer I thought my eye was feeling funny but I just figured I was tired and it was heavy and it was time for me to drift off to sleepy-time land. And when I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth I was in for a rude awakening. My "heavy, sleep-time" eye was nearly swollen closed. At this point in our little drama, let the worry and freaking out begin because now I'm scared.
Problem was, in the morning it was fine and so I had nothing to take to a doctor but a grainy iPhone picture of my swollen eye. So I didn't go. Should have gone, most definitely but I didn't. I waited it out.
Meanwhile the hives had increased in size, frequency and symptoms. No longer just itchy, they hurt and when or if you itched them they burned. They stayed mostly on the core of my body: stomach, thighs, rear, back, chest, etc. And they could get HUGE! By the first weeks of May, my brain was boggled. I hadn't started using anything new. No creams or lotions, laundry detergents, fabric softeners, washes or fabrics. Everything was same old-same old and it was pissing me off.
And then my lip swelled. I woke up around 3am needing to go potty and I new my lip felt funny but I was tired and still half asleep so I just fell back in bed. Well at 6:30 when I woke up, funny was not the word I'd use any longer. I could not close my mouth. So I ran to the bathroom and flipped on the lights and stared straight into the mirror at a lip that appeared to have been given collagen injections by an untrained monkey. IT WAS HUGE! And that is almost an understatement. My bottom lip was so swollen I could put my lips together (insert inappropriate race driven joke here). And it throbbed! So at 8am, I called the doctor. Made my appointment and though by the time I could be seen most of the swelling had gone down I had more photos!
I explained everything to the doctor, he asked me questions about products, I answered in kind and he prescribed a steroid. I was in heaven because I assumed that now that I had a drug things were going to get better. I was soooooooo wrong!
Less than a week after I started this steroid, which to be honest was not helping at all, I got home from the gym with a headache. It had started that morning, I had hoped working out would help ease it, it hadn't so I turned to my trusty friend Ibuprofen. Did you know that Ibuprofen and Ibuprofen products can worsen the effect of skin conditions, such as hives and rashes? Neither did I! And so, by the time Jason got home I was in Hive Hell. A new Hive Hell. One where I could not stand still nor touch any part of my body because the mere brush of my hand against one of these areas made me feel as if some kind of living organism was underneath my epidermis and trying to scratch its way out. They covered my torso and working there way up my breasts onto my chest. They were all over my thighs and working there way to areas I'd much prefer not discuss here... but let's just say that those areas would be inappropriate to scratch in public.
Off to Care Now I go as it is after doctor's hours. I'm in hope that I will meet the guru of unexplainable hives and he'll tell me all the answers to all of my questions and prescribe me a miracle cure that will save me from wanting to peel off my skin. I of course, must wait 2 hours before seeing this guru because moments before I walked in the door, a bleeding toddler was brought in and he is priority #1. Gotta make sure those babies don't die... and all that jazz!
I was, of course, and again, wrong. I get another lecture about stress induced hives and that I need allergy work up done and blah, blah, blah. Enter nurse with cortisone shot and I am saved from my evil hands and the imaginary organisms burrowing under my top layer of skin.
Now let me stress that it's been a month now and the hives have just gotten worse. Are worsened by any type of strenuous activity or sweating. I now know I cannot take Ibuprofen, my go to drug for all pain, and random swelling is keeping me from leaving my house. Welcome to Month 1 of Hive Hell.
RATCHFLATCHABRANCHABREDGAFLATCHABBBBBBBBBLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAA!!!!
So with that said... Let me explain whats going on, my journey with this nonsense and why I've finally come here. Either Easter weekend or the week following I began breaking out in random hives. We're not sure as to the exact date because I thought I'd been bitten by mosquitoes Easter weekend in Ozona but now we think those "bites" were probably early hives. These raised welts on my body were small at first. Itched like the dickens but really, could be ignored if I just tried really hard. It was about a week after this that I realized they were hives and not mosquito bites. Really though, I wasn't worried. I just assumed I had gotten into something and that eventually it would run through my system and all of this would go away.
And then the swelling started. First was my right eye. Jason was playing a game, I was playing with the iPad and as bedtime drew closer I thought my eye was feeling funny but I just figured I was tired and it was heavy and it was time for me to drift off to sleepy-time land. And when I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth I was in for a rude awakening. My "heavy, sleep-time" eye was nearly swollen closed. At this point in our little drama, let the worry and freaking out begin because now I'm scared.
Problem was, in the morning it was fine and so I had nothing to take to a doctor but a grainy iPhone picture of my swollen eye. So I didn't go. Should have gone, most definitely but I didn't. I waited it out.
Meanwhile the hives had increased in size, frequency and symptoms. No longer just itchy, they hurt and when or if you itched them they burned. They stayed mostly on the core of my body: stomach, thighs, rear, back, chest, etc. And they could get HUGE! By the first weeks of May, my brain was boggled. I hadn't started using anything new. No creams or lotions, laundry detergents, fabric softeners, washes or fabrics. Everything was same old-same old and it was pissing me off.
And then my lip swelled. I woke up around 3am needing to go potty and I new my lip felt funny but I was tired and still half asleep so I just fell back in bed. Well at 6:30 when I woke up, funny was not the word I'd use any longer. I could not close my mouth. So I ran to the bathroom and flipped on the lights and stared straight into the mirror at a lip that appeared to have been given collagen injections by an untrained monkey. IT WAS HUGE! And that is almost an understatement. My bottom lip was so swollen I could put my lips together (insert inappropriate race driven joke here). And it throbbed! So at 8am, I called the doctor. Made my appointment and though by the time I could be seen most of the swelling had gone down I had more photos!
I explained everything to the doctor, he asked me questions about products, I answered in kind and he prescribed a steroid. I was in heaven because I assumed that now that I had a drug things were going to get better. I was soooooooo wrong!
Less than a week after I started this steroid, which to be honest was not helping at all, I got home from the gym with a headache. It had started that morning, I had hoped working out would help ease it, it hadn't so I turned to my trusty friend Ibuprofen. Did you know that Ibuprofen and Ibuprofen products can worsen the effect of skin conditions, such as hives and rashes? Neither did I! And so, by the time Jason got home I was in Hive Hell. A new Hive Hell. One where I could not stand still nor touch any part of my body because the mere brush of my hand against one of these areas made me feel as if some kind of living organism was underneath my epidermis and trying to scratch its way out. They covered my torso and working there way up my breasts onto my chest. They were all over my thighs and working there way to areas I'd much prefer not discuss here... but let's just say that those areas would be inappropriate to scratch in public.
Off to Care Now I go as it is after doctor's hours. I'm in hope that I will meet the guru of unexplainable hives and he'll tell me all the answers to all of my questions and prescribe me a miracle cure that will save me from wanting to peel off my skin. I of course, must wait 2 hours before seeing this guru because moments before I walked in the door, a bleeding toddler was brought in and he is priority #1. Gotta make sure those babies don't die... and all that jazz!
I was, of course, and again, wrong. I get another lecture about stress induced hives and that I need allergy work up done and blah, blah, blah. Enter nurse with cortisone shot and I am saved from my evil hands and the imaginary organisms burrowing under my top layer of skin.
Now let me stress that it's been a month now and the hives have just gotten worse. Are worsened by any type of strenuous activity or sweating. I now know I cannot take Ibuprofen, my go to drug for all pain, and random swelling is keeping me from leaving my house. Welcome to Month 1 of Hive Hell.
Monday, June 13, 2011
The 30 Before 30 List
And that is it ladies and gents! The 30 things I want to do before I'm 30. Today is June 13, 2011. I turn 30 on February 18, 2014. So I have 980 days (I did the math so it might be/ probably is a little off). Wow! That doesn't seem like that many days does it? So here is the full list with links to each page and how I'm doing so far.
1: A Healthier Me - I've started, but I wouldn't say I've reached the goal yet
2: Finish College - Nope
5: Conquering Yeast Breads - Nope
6: Walk in the 3-Day - Nope/ Haven't signed up yet... Am I walking this year?
7: Lose My Black Thumb or Grow a Green Thumb - I have a pretty awesome garden started...
8: Learn to Love Running - I've started but there are no warm fuzzies for the experience yet.
9: Run a Half Marathon - Nope
10: APPARENTLY I DID NOT THINK OF ONE... I'LL WORK ON THAT
11: Paint My Bedroom - I've picked a color!
12: Play Golf - I've thought about it but no...
13: Attend More Live Music Events - Nope
14: Volunteer - Nope
15: The Improv - Nope
16: Stop Procrastinating - Okay I am wokring on this but the goal has not been realized yet.
17: Meditate - Nope, but I'm really beginning to see how important it is!
18: Re-Do My Baby Albums - Nope
19: Experiencing Mother Nature - Nope
20: Try 1 New Recipe A Week - We are trying this... in fact we've been trying a lot of new recipes!
21: Learn To Make My Bed Every Day - Today marks day #1!
22: Take a Knife Skills Class - Nope
23: Read 5 Classic Novels I've Never Read - Nope
24: Go On A Cruise - Nope
25: Really Learn To Knit - Nope
26: Attend Sporting Events - Nope
27: The 365 Project - Nope
28: Buy A Scale - Nope
29: Scrapbook Jason's Boy Scout Photos - Nope
30: Buy A House - Nope
So that is where I stand. I'll update periodically so keep checking back!
1: A Healthier Me - I've started, but I wouldn't say I've reached the goal yet
2: Finish College - Nope
3: Get An Agent - Nope
4: Scrapbooking - I have started but I haven't reached that ultimate goal of doing it weekly.5: Conquering Yeast Breads - Nope
6: Walk in the 3-Day - Nope/ Haven't signed up yet... Am I walking this year?
7: Lose My Black Thumb or Grow a Green Thumb - I have a pretty awesome garden started...
8: Learn to Love Running - I've started but there are no warm fuzzies for the experience yet.
9: Run a Half Marathon - Nope
10: APPARENTLY I DID NOT THINK OF ONE... I'LL WORK ON THAT
11: Paint My Bedroom - I've picked a color!
12: Play Golf - I've thought about it but no...
13: Attend More Live Music Events - Nope
14: Volunteer - Nope
15: The Improv - Nope
16: Stop Procrastinating - Okay I am wokring on this but the goal has not been realized yet.
17: Meditate - Nope, but I'm really beginning to see how important it is!
18: Re-Do My Baby Albums - Nope
19: Experiencing Mother Nature - Nope
20: Try 1 New Recipe A Week - We are trying this... in fact we've been trying a lot of new recipes!
21: Learn To Make My Bed Every Day - Today marks day #1!
22: Take a Knife Skills Class - Nope
23: Read 5 Classic Novels I've Never Read - Nope
24: Go On A Cruise - Nope
25: Really Learn To Knit - Nope
26: Attend Sporting Events - Nope
27: The 365 Project - Nope
28: Buy A Scale - Nope
29: Scrapbook Jason's Boy Scout Photos - Nope
30: Buy A House - Nope
So that is where I stand. I'll update periodically so keep checking back!
Thursday, June 2, 2011
#30: Buy a House
If you don't know this, we rent. It's a long drawn out story, one I'm not going to get into, but we rent our house. And we'd like to own one. I think.
I can't really decide. I'm having trouble seeing the upside as I like that someone else takes care of the major problems but I have been told that home ownership is one of those things you have to do in your life. That's it like the icing on the cake of adulthood. That you aren't completely an adult until you own a home. Like I said I'm not seeing he advantage but I'll do the research, I'm sure I'll get there.
So we will buy a house before I'm 30.
I can't really decide. I'm having trouble seeing the upside as I like that someone else takes care of the major problems but I have been told that home ownership is one of those things you have to do in your life. That's it like the icing on the cake of adulthood. That you aren't completely an adult until you own a home. Like I said I'm not seeing he advantage but I'll do the research, I'm sure I'll get there.
So we will buy a house before I'm 30.
#29: Scrapbook Jason's Boy Scout Photos
Two years ago I bought everything I needed to do this. Asked Lynda for photos, got a jump start on it, wanted to give it to him for Christmas and NEVER finished. I'd really like to do it before my kiddos become cub scouts. And since Carson can do that at age 6, I need to finish up with that album before I'm 30.
Not to mention, it would mean a lot to Jason and I love him. Boy Scouts, becoming an Eagle Scout were very important milestones in his life and he deserves a memento that honors his hard work and all of his efforts. The scrapbook can be his way of showing the boys what Boy Scouts can provide for them. The knowledge and skills they will be taught. I believe scrapbooks are story books that chronicle the stories that make our lives what they are. The stories are what make the pictures. Those are the memories and that is important.
Not to mention, it would mean a lot to Jason and I love him. Boy Scouts, becoming an Eagle Scout were very important milestones in his life and he deserves a memento that honors his hard work and all of his efforts. The scrapbook can be his way of showing the boys what Boy Scouts can provide for them. The knowledge and skills they will be taught. I believe scrapbooks are story books that chronicle the stories that make our lives what they are. The stories are what make the pictures. Those are the memories and that is important.
#28: Buy a Scale
Oh my goodness. This seems so small doesn't it? Just walk into any Walmart or Target in our country and buy one, right? Right? Wrong!
That number is evil. And it isn't about the number, to tell the truth. I want my weight issues to be about liking myself. Looking in the mirror and being satisfied. Putting on a swimsuit and not being self conscious. I feel like women are trapped by the number. It's their center. Everything about how they feel about themselves, about their self worth and their beauty rests on that number! I know that I'm like that to a certain extent and I don't even have a scale to give me a daily readout of how I'm failing to control that NUMBER! AGH!
What is it about that NUMBER that controls us? I'm a tall, curvy woman. I get away with carrying around extra weight because my build hides it. I'm well proportioned. As skinny girls say, I'm voluptuous. I HATE that word.
I've digressed. I need to buy a scale. It's step 1 in facing my fear of the number. Taking back control. And I'll do that... sometime before I turn 30. Probably February 17, 2014.
That number is evil. And it isn't about the number, to tell the truth. I want my weight issues to be about liking myself. Looking in the mirror and being satisfied. Putting on a swimsuit and not being self conscious. I feel like women are trapped by the number. It's their center. Everything about how they feel about themselves, about their self worth and their beauty rests on that number! I know that I'm like that to a certain extent and I don't even have a scale to give me a daily readout of how I'm failing to control that NUMBER! AGH!
What is it about that NUMBER that controls us? I'm a tall, curvy woman. I get away with carrying around extra weight because my build hides it. I'm well proportioned. As skinny girls say, I'm voluptuous. I HATE that word.
I've digressed. I need to buy a scale. It's step 1 in facing my fear of the number. Taking back control. And I'll do that... sometime before I turn 30. Probably February 17, 2014.
#27: The 365 Project
The 365 project is a photography project where you document a year of your life by taking a daily photo. We want to help you build a picture of the little day to day things that make your life so special and unique. Everyone can take part and join in! All you need is a camera.
That. Up, there. Is what the website says. I'd like to do that. It gives me an excuse to play with my camera more. As if I really needed one but hey, this is about trying new things, using my camera in different ways. Here goes!
Go Here to read more.
That. Up, there. Is what the website says. I'd like to do that. It gives me an excuse to play with my camera more. As if I really needed one but hey, this is about trying new things, using my camera in different ways. Here goes!
Go Here to read more.
#26: Attend Sporting Events
I'm working on a specific number of sporting events. I'm thinking 5. My husband is not the sportiest person in the world and therefore when we are thinking of entertainment it is not where we lean. But I know the boys would benefit from attending. I know it would open their little minds to the different types of physical activity that is out there. I was active in sports and believe in them as teaching tools for children. I believe in team work. I promise, I really am as cheesy as you think I am.
With that said, it does not mean we must attend football games.
There is soccer and hockey and Nascar and baseball. I like football and basketball as much as the next person but having been from West Texas and a town that was REALLY into women's basketball... I think I've had my fill of those two to last me a few more years. Not that I wouldn't love to go to a football or basketball game should the tickets fall into my lap... I'm just not buying them. Jerry Jones and Mark Cuban have plenty of money.
So I think 7... attend 7 sporting events before I'm 30. We can do this!
With that said, it does not mean we must attend football games.
There is soccer and hockey and Nascar and baseball. I like football and basketball as much as the next person but having been from West Texas and a town that was REALLY into women's basketball... I think I've had my fill of those two to last me a few more years. Not that I wouldn't love to go to a football or basketball game should the tickets fall into my lap... I'm just not buying them. Jerry Jones and Mark Cuban have plenty of money.
So I think 7... attend 7 sporting events before I'm 30. We can do this!
#25: Really Learn to Knit
I sort of learned once. I started a scarf, almost finished it, rolled it up and never looked at it again. I think this is something I would be good at. Could enjoy, you know because I totally need another hobby, and could teach my grandchildren some day. Just something I'd like to learn. You can never learn enough right? Learning keeps you young? Damn, I hope so!
#24: Go On a Cruise
Ultimately I'd like to do this with just my husband, Jason... but if I must bring along my children I would like it to be a Disney Cruise as they have child care. I love my kids, I jut don't want to be with them every second of the day.
I love traveling. Going new places, seeing new things. I prefer car trips but as many of you know or will soon know. Car trips + children = HELL. Now as they get older DVD players are amazing but letting your children watch DVD's for 13 hours makes them extremely cranky. And normally I find children do not need any extra reasons to whine.
Also the idea of unpacking once, your hotel room traveling with you while you see multiple "awe" worthy sights is brilliant! Suitcases are NOT my friend. I am a very bad packer. I never know what I'll need, how much or how little. I feel a summer tropical cruise is pretty self explanatory and will not send my brain into overload.
There is water, too. I'm a fish. Seriously! If I could spend all day int eh water I would. My dream home has an indoor outdoor pool so I can enjoy it year round. Swimming is one of those things in life that just makes me blissfully happy. So pools on the ship, beaches on destination days. Win, win for me!
I love traveling. Going new places, seeing new things. I prefer car trips but as many of you know or will soon know. Car trips + children = HELL. Now as they get older DVD players are amazing but letting your children watch DVD's for 13 hours makes them extremely cranky. And normally I find children do not need any extra reasons to whine.
Also the idea of unpacking once, your hotel room traveling with you while you see multiple "awe" worthy sights is brilliant! Suitcases are NOT my friend. I am a very bad packer. I never know what I'll need, how much or how little. I feel a summer tropical cruise is pretty self explanatory and will not send my brain into overload.
There is water, too. I'm a fish. Seriously! If I could spend all day int eh water I would. My dream home has an indoor outdoor pool so I can enjoy it year round. Swimming is one of those things in life that just makes me blissfully happy. So pools on the ship, beaches on destination days. Win, win for me!
#23: Read 5 Classic Novels I've NEVER Read
I adore reading. Getting caught up in some other world. It's the actress in me. I put myself inside the story, not always as the lead, just a part of it. Anther place, time, era... I let my imagination run away with me and I simply adore it!
I don't want one of those e-reader thingys. I get it, they are simpler, they take up less space, new books are simply a click away, your options are seemingly endless. But I like books. The weight of them, the pages, the smell. New, old, whatever. I can spend hours inside book stores, scouring the aisles and I would I want to change that?
But I got to thinking... my knowledge of the classics is pretty limited. And I'd like to change that. So below are the 5 classic novels I'd like to read (or read again, with a higher knowledge of the text) before I turn 30.
1. Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen (I read it when I was 13 and I'm pretty sure I didn't appreciate it fully)
2. 1984 by George Orwell
3. The Catcher in The Rye by JD Salinger
4. Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte
5.Gone With The Wind by Margaret Mitchell
Have any I should add? I know there are tons and I could scour the shelves for years and never find them all. Help me out! Leave a comment...
I don't want one of those e-reader thingys. I get it, they are simpler, they take up less space, new books are simply a click away, your options are seemingly endless. But I like books. The weight of them, the pages, the smell. New, old, whatever. I can spend hours inside book stores, scouring the aisles and I would I want to change that?
But I got to thinking... my knowledge of the classics is pretty limited. And I'd like to change that. So below are the 5 classic novels I'd like to read (or read again, with a higher knowledge of the text) before I turn 30.
1. Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen (I read it when I was 13 and I'm pretty sure I didn't appreciate it fully)
2. 1984 by George Orwell
3. The Catcher in The Rye by JD Salinger
4. Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte
5.Gone With The Wind by Margaret Mitchell
Have any I should add? I know there are tons and I could scour the shelves for years and never find them all. Help me out! Leave a comment...
#22: Take a Knife Skills Class
We ALL know I LOVE to COOK!!! But I have to be honest, my knife skills are seriously lacking. I mean, I'm pretty positive that I could kill you if I needed to, but julienne slice you in under 24 hours? Probably not. And really, I'd like to be able to do that!
I don't know why but I'm just not very fast with my knives which slows down my cooking time and as much as I love to cook, I hate prepping for hours on end. It's frustrating! Central Market, Sur le Table and William's Sonoma all offer classes, now to sign up for one in my overly abundant free time!
I don't know why but I'm just not very fast with my knives which slows down my cooking time and as much as I love to cook, I hate prepping for hours on end. It's frustrating! Central Market, Sur le Table and William's Sonoma all offer classes, now to sign up for one in my overly abundant free time!
#21: Learn to Make my Bed EVERY DAY
Laugh... I know you want to. But I seriously, get so much more done in a day when I make my bed. It makes me feel productive. It makes my bedroom feel clean. I like the look of it... I mean HELLO!!!!!! I spent a lot of money on that silk comforter and those throw pillows and I put a lot of effort into making sure that that bed looks gorgeous when it is made up but... I rarely make it. Now does that make any kind of sense at all? No. In fact it's nonsensical in every sense of the word!
In order to keep some kind of track of this, I'll make little notes on my calendar in my phone. Most educators and people who are in "the know" tell us that in order to learn a behavior, a task must be repeated for 23 days in a row. So thats is the first step in this goal. Make my bed 23 days in a row.
Whoosh.
In order to keep some kind of track of this, I'll make little notes on my calendar in my phone. Most educators and people who are in "the know" tell us that in order to learn a behavior, a task must be repeated for 23 days in a row. So thats is the first step in this goal. Make my bed 23 days in a row.
Whoosh.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
#20: Try 1 New Recipe a Week
Oh food, how I love thee, let me count the ways...
1. You are yummy.
2. You make my tummy happy.
3. There is so much of you to try.
4. You are yummy.
5. I love all the ways to combine you together and make something new... ART!
6. I'll never be able to eat all of you.
7. You are both fancy and down to earth.
8. You are yummy.
9. You make me smile.
10. Butter.
11. Cream.
12. You are yummy.
I cold go on but really? What's the point? I love food and I love trying new foods and I want to try a 1 new recipe every week. I'm a stay at home Mom. This one just shouldn't be that hard.
YUM! FOOD!
1. You are yummy.
2. You make my tummy happy.
3. There is so much of you to try.
4. You are yummy.
5. I love all the ways to combine you together and make something new... ART!
6. I'll never be able to eat all of you.
7. You are both fancy and down to earth.
8. You are yummy.
9. You make me smile.
10. Butter.
11. Cream.
12. You are yummy.
I cold go on but really? What's the point? I love food and I love trying new foods and I want to try a 1 new recipe every week. I'm a stay at home Mom. This one just shouldn't be that hard.
YUM! FOOD!
#19: Experiencing Mother Nature
Jason loves to hike. And it is something we simply do not do. You know, there is the kiddos and busy weekends and we fill our time with important things like watching TV and movies and eating... So... I have this desire to start hiking.
For obvious reasons it correlates with a healthier me but mostly I love the outdoors and nature and there isn't a better way to fully experience it other than walking for hours on end. Man I'm selling this hiking thing aren't I?
Seriously though, I love doing it and as the kiddos get older it is something we can do with them. DFW is surrounds by great areas and sites and is a perfect jumping point. So it's time to get outside!
For obvious reasons it correlates with a healthier me but mostly I love the outdoors and nature and there isn't a better way to fully experience it other than walking for hours on end. Man I'm selling this hiking thing aren't I?
Seriously though, I love doing it and as the kiddos get older it is something we can do with them. DFW is surrounds by great areas and sites and is a perfect jumping point. So it's time to get outside!
#18: Re-do My Baby Albums
I know it seems kind of silly but my baby albums are falling apart and most of the pictures are Polaroids. I'm a fanatic when it comes to photos and I don't want them ruined or lost. Polaroids deteriorate over time and mine have already started fading. So it's time to put some effort into restoring them before they are gone.
Plus I'm vain.
Plus I'm vain.
#17: Meditate
I think I'll really benefit from meditation. I'm a high strung person. I take on too much. I am over whelmed. Hey, admitting you have a problem is the first step right? LOL
So I think some time spent alone, with my thoughts or better yet, learning to quiet my thoughts, would greatly benefit me. I've read so many studies and articles on the benefits of meditation. Greater patience, stress relief, clearer thinking, higher productivity. All of these sound amazing don't they? Now if I can just get myself up 30 minutes earlier so I can partake in this meditation-thingy.
Because that's really the issue isn't it... time? Never enough time. See I've been sidetracked by my thought process again. Meditation... it's supposed to help with that too.
So I think some time spent alone, with my thoughts or better yet, learning to quiet my thoughts, would greatly benefit me. I've read so many studies and articles on the benefits of meditation. Greater patience, stress relief, clearer thinking, higher productivity. All of these sound amazing don't they? Now if I can just get myself up 30 minutes earlier so I can partake in this meditation-thingy.
Because that's really the issue isn't it... time? Never enough time. See I've been sidetracked by my thought process again. Meditation... it's supposed to help with that too.
Monday, May 2, 2011
Grateful and Thankful
Twenty miles outside of Ballinger the haze began to set in. Not clouds, smoke. Gray and covering the landscape, fog-like but holding absolutely no moisture. I stop to take a picture of the sun because it seems to be glowing. An almost neon peach color behind thick gray "clouds". Nothing rivals a Texas sunset. Even today.
And then I notice the smell. Burning Cedar is unmistakable. It reminds me of camp fires and cold afternoons roasting marshmallows at the Hunting Camp... but never before has this smell followed me for 200 miles. Never before has this smell, reminded me of destruction. It does now.
This wildfire has changed my filing cabinet of memories. It has re-labeled my thought processes. And forever, my view of fire will be altered. I am tied to the land. South-West Texas, Val Verde County, Sleepy Hollow Ranch. My family home. It's a heritage longer and deeper then I comprehend on most days and though I am linked to my history, tied to it by a lineage that has stayed true to a town for over a 100 years, I still manage to forget most days how deep these family ties are buried withing me. I don't live there anymore. I have chosen to make a home and raise a family away from my roots but the pull of what has been and what will be, keeps me there.
This country is not the definition of an ideal landscape. It is not easy land. No prairie grasses wave, no East Texas pines shield you from the wind, and no picturesque rivers gently carve a path through green hillsides. It is rugged. It requires strength and endurance and a belief that all of God's land was provided to us. Can provide for us. And that is what my ancestors did. They chose this land, knowing that they could earn from it, that they could use it and take care of it and the land would do the same for them.
Fire is a destructive force. It obliterates all in its path with no rhyme or reason. It jumps from point to point feeding and taking what it will and yet sometimes leaving a lone tree to survive. It travels by barely surviving grass, to parched bush to ancient tree, annihilating all in its path and never glancing back at its devastation. It breaths and eats like any living thing. And while it breaths everything else suffocates.
The smell is rancid. The first day after the fire burns through without apology, you are still reminded of camp fires but as the smell sits and lingers on the land, it changes. It is now raw and sharp and wreaks eerily of death and stillness. Even as the wind blows the smell around me, I feel as if the Earth has stopped to allow all living things to pay their respects to the land. To what the land has endured. This fire slaps me on every level of my senses. Once living things, now crumble in my hand. My eyes see the destruction, my ears hear the fire move on to better fuel, but mostly that pain we've all tried to explain has settled within me. The one that sits in your gut and closes your throat and reminds you of your first heartbreak. That pain that we've all been through and are positive will never die. That pain is engaged, that heart ache that transcends race, creed and nationality is fully engaged within me.
Our home is still standing. Built in 1923, it humbly stands amongst terrain that does not match it in beauty. It is not ostentatious or boastful but has provided a family tree with very wide spread branches, memories and safety for years and now for many years to come. It's dining room was home to Skip-Bo games and Thanksgiving dinners. It's screened porch to laughter and afternoon naps. This house is more than wood and glass, it is a home. A haven. I singular reminder that our family was and is. That our family, no matter how far we travel, no matter where we lay our head at night, no matter how long we stay away, are one with this land.
I am a Texan. And to anyone who feels that way, we are Texans first and foremost. So the images of this land that I love burning away is imprinted in my mind. Flames licking the country side clean and smoke filling the air with toxins, robbing it of it's simple purity. But although this fire has damaged us, has changed what our lives will be like for years to come. It has certainly served as reminder...
Every volunteer firefighter, every National Forest Service worker, every pilot, every Electric Company employee, every citizen, every rancher, still stands. Still fights. This battle, this war was not fought alone. In times of crisis we are reminded that we do not stand alone. We stand together. For every man or woman who did not sleep over the last month, who rode endless hour looking for hot spots, who waged battle against this fire with shovels and cattle sprayers and sheer desire to win, I say thank you. I am reminded that I am not alone, and I say thank you.
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Thursday, April 28, 2011
#16: STOP Procrastinating
I am, believe it or not, the world's worst procrastinator. I will wait until the last possible second to do whatever it is I have to do. I promise. Now... with that said, I'm a speedy project tackler. I can whip out a little girl's dress in under 2 hours, I can clean my house in the same flashy amount of time, 8 loads of laundry can be knocked out in one afternoon, dinner can be on the table in 20 minutes. I work well under pressure! This is a positive...
However, I like to sleep and many times I stay up late finishing what should have been finished, I end up having to forgo my daily shower because I'm in a time crunch, or we're late. Always. We are always LATE! And this ladies and gents, is because I'm a procrastinator! Not because I'm lazy or can't tell time or don't wear a watch, although there may be some truth to all of those (at least I think I can tell time, maybe I can't). But simply because I put everything in my life off until the last possible second!
Do you know how much easier my life would be if I re-packed my diaper bag every night? Or prepacked Carson's lunch for school? Or did laundry daily instead of once every couple of weeks? Or, and this one is my favorite, put things where they go instead of piling things on my kitchen counter?
I am the Queen of "I'll Do It Later". I prefer to watch TV, play in my garden, sit with my husband, play with my kiddos, SHOP! But at the same time, and here is where you get to meet my split personalities.... I am so anal retentive and I HATE clutter and I HATE filth! It eats at me. I mean seriously eats away at me until I just want to throw everything away and start over! So... I need to stop procrastinating. I think it will make me a calmer person. Maybe. Hopefully.
However, I like to sleep and many times I stay up late finishing what should have been finished, I end up having to forgo my daily shower because I'm in a time crunch, or we're late. Always. We are always LATE! And this ladies and gents, is because I'm a procrastinator! Not because I'm lazy or can't tell time or don't wear a watch, although there may be some truth to all of those (at least I think I can tell time, maybe I can't). But simply because I put everything in my life off until the last possible second!
Do you know how much easier my life would be if I re-packed my diaper bag every night? Or prepacked Carson's lunch for school? Or did laundry daily instead of once every couple of weeks? Or, and this one is my favorite, put things where they go instead of piling things on my kitchen counter?
I am the Queen of "I'll Do It Later". I prefer to watch TV, play in my garden, sit with my husband, play with my kiddos, SHOP! But at the same time, and here is where you get to meet my split personalities.... I am so anal retentive and I HATE clutter and I HATE filth! It eats at me. I mean seriously eats away at me until I just want to throw everything away and start over! So... I need to stop procrastinating. I think it will make me a calmer person. Maybe. Hopefully.
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