Do you watch The Middle? Well, if you don't you should. Especially if you are a parent. Here's a link to The Middle's page on abc.com, however to watch the "Taking Back the House" episode you will have to google it.
Besides being hilarious the episode really got me thinking. Most parents do cater to their children's demands. Jason and I are definitely considered strict for today's parenting generation. But I was raised by older parents so I guess that is to be expected. It annoys me to no end when I see parents give in in public so that their embarrassment can be spared. Really the only people judging you in public are the people who don't have kids... and they need to package up that little piece of advice for when they understand! Parents don't judge other parents parenting techniques (within reason - don't flat out beat or berate you child), we know better. It's hard. That doesn't mean it isn't amazing (as this episode points out - watch it!) but it's hard.
So here are a few of my "overly strict" rules:
1. I'm not a short order cook. Eat what I put in front of you or don't eat. Those are your options... at least until your 8 or 9 and then you can get your happy little fanny up and make yourself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
2. When I tell you to do something, do it. Not when you're ready, not tomorrow, now. This is not negotionable and no, it cannot wait until your show is over.
3. Make your bed. It's small, I understand but its the lesson here. Learn to do this, as it will help you be a cleaner, neater person later on.
4. Clean up your toys. I don't want them on my living room floor. I pay for that floor, I get t make the rules regarding it.
5. Wear what I provide for you. And at this time (the toddler years) wear what I put on your body. Your clothing is up to me and you will look presentable when you walk out of my front door or you won't walk out of it at all.
So, and I've had this debate with many, I am of the belief system that at this time my child has no choices of their own. I make them. They can pick what toys they play with... that is really about it. Their jobs are to: Eat, learn and sleep. And later it will be to eat, go to school, learn and sleep. As they get even older, we will throw some decision making into that but currently, I win. I get final say. End of discussion. I know this is kind of cold but here is the deal. Children (in my personal opinion) have way too much freedom now-a-days. Growing up no one allowed me to pick the dinner menu, no one allowed me to decide where I wanted to go on Saturday afternoon, no one dropped everything to entertain me, and I most definitely was not allowed to pick my own clothing until I was somewhere around 14 or 15. Clothing is a big thing with me lately... most teenagers look like idiots and the current boys fashions are the worst. Don't get me started on yellow skinny jeans and Chucks!
The thing is my Dad gave me this advice when I was pregnant the first time,"It's your home, your life. The baby is joining your family not the other way around." That's para-phrased poorly but it really stuck with me. The boys came into Jason and I's life. We enjoy watching movies so we still do. We just can't do it at 1pm in the afternoon on a Saturday anymore. We enjoy wandering bookstores so we still do, we just can't do it for 4 hours at a time anymore. Things change, things must be adjusted. But its my life, it's my home. And my children live within it, not the other way around.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Thursday, December 23, 2010
The definition of me
I am a mommy. It is part of who I am. I can promise you that 10 years ago I never would have thought I'd be a stay-at-home mommy to two little boys. The idea simply would never have crossed my mind. 10 years ago I was in HS. 10 years ago I was a new driver with a new truck, I was concerned with myself and little else. I was an active and busy student whose entire world revolved around a social schedule. Where does time go?
I enjoy being a mommy. In fact I love it. But I have recognized and come to terms with the fact that this aspect does not define me. I need other things in my life to fulfill me. But today? Today I focus on Mommy.
This is the most important job I will ever do and I don't get to start over when I screw it up... and believe me I screw it up. Daily. There are just so many choices to make when it comes to your kids and you can't ever get it all right. Which drives me batty! I want to get it right, damnit! With Carson I tried to do it all... and most days succeeded. I breast fed for as long as my body allowed and then had to come to terms with the fact that my body just stopped one day. I made organic, all natural, preservative free baby food. We played, we did flash cards, I focused almost all of my attention on him all of the time. And then when 1 year rolled around I was exhausted! So I found a MDO program and rolled my guilt into a corner of my closet and started focusing on other things for a change.
With Logan, things have gone a bit differently. I did breast feed but I had to pump. And so that did not last very long because pumping every 3-4 hours while dealing with an infant and a 2-3 year old and trying to keep a clean home and trying to cook meals... well there just aren't that many hours in the day. I have not made baby food. I mean a couple of things but, let's face it, that free time that abounded when Carson was a baby? Well that is nowhere to be seen. So jars it is! And another ball of guilt rolls into that closet. We go to the gym and the boys go to child care. Another ball of guilt. I run an at home business so Logan gets a lot of alone playtime on the floor in the office. Another ball of guilt. Every time I take time out for myself... another ball of guilt.
But here is what I've learned: nothing stops the balls of guilt from rolling on out of you. It's what you do with them later on that counts. Mommy guilt is something that just comes with the territory. There is little to be done with it other than recognizing that you are doing your best. I second guess every decision I make! I strive to do my best with my boys. To teach them and play with them. To love them, to make sure they know they are loved. To make sure that they know discipline is a form of that love and that they could never do anything that would make that love stop. It is unconditional and theirs for the entirety of their lives. So you put those balls somewhere else and you close up the entrance because they are unimportant.
So this mommy thing, it is part of me. I live with it... I live in it. It is a constant and changing force that drives me to do better everyday. It's also the best and funnest thing that has ever happened to me. Children bring a joy into your life that is almost impossible to describe. It's the truest of loves, a warmth that comes from the center of you and lights the ways for your children. I will probably screw them up in ways that I can't even grasp at the moment and that's okay... I'm putting money aside for therapy later on.
I enjoy being a mommy. In fact I love it. But I have recognized and come to terms with the fact that this aspect does not define me. I need other things in my life to fulfill me. But today? Today I focus on Mommy.
This is the most important job I will ever do and I don't get to start over when I screw it up... and believe me I screw it up. Daily. There are just so many choices to make when it comes to your kids and you can't ever get it all right. Which drives me batty! I want to get it right, damnit! With Carson I tried to do it all... and most days succeeded. I breast fed for as long as my body allowed and then had to come to terms with the fact that my body just stopped one day. I made organic, all natural, preservative free baby food. We played, we did flash cards, I focused almost all of my attention on him all of the time. And then when 1 year rolled around I was exhausted! So I found a MDO program and rolled my guilt into a corner of my closet and started focusing on other things for a change.
With Logan, things have gone a bit differently. I did breast feed but I had to pump. And so that did not last very long because pumping every 3-4 hours while dealing with an infant and a 2-3 year old and trying to keep a clean home and trying to cook meals... well there just aren't that many hours in the day. I have not made baby food. I mean a couple of things but, let's face it, that free time that abounded when Carson was a baby? Well that is nowhere to be seen. So jars it is! And another ball of guilt rolls into that closet. We go to the gym and the boys go to child care. Another ball of guilt. I run an at home business so Logan gets a lot of alone playtime on the floor in the office. Another ball of guilt. Every time I take time out for myself... another ball of guilt.
But here is what I've learned: nothing stops the balls of guilt from rolling on out of you. It's what you do with them later on that counts. Mommy guilt is something that just comes with the territory. There is little to be done with it other than recognizing that you are doing your best. I second guess every decision I make! I strive to do my best with my boys. To teach them and play with them. To love them, to make sure they know they are loved. To make sure that they know discipline is a form of that love and that they could never do anything that would make that love stop. It is unconditional and theirs for the entirety of their lives. So you put those balls somewhere else and you close up the entrance because they are unimportant.
So this mommy thing, it is part of me. I live with it... I live in it. It is a constant and changing force that drives me to do better everyday. It's also the best and funnest thing that has ever happened to me. Children bring a joy into your life that is almost impossible to describe. It's the truest of loves, a warmth that comes from the center of you and lights the ways for your children. I will probably screw them up in ways that I can't even grasp at the moment and that's okay... I'm putting money aside for therapy later on.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Redfinition
So this will be my new blog focus for a few weeks. Redefining myself. Or really, coming to terms with the definitions as they are already in place.
So I was in Ozona recently doing jewelry shows for my mom and a friend from school. I made the comment that I think I've changed a lot since my HS days and my friend disagreed. And as I got thinking about it I wondered why? Am I really the same or have I changed? And if I've changed, how exactly? And is this change something only I see? And if I'm the only to see it is actually real?
So now after a few weeks of wondering, thinking, deliberating... maybe I haven't changed. Maybe I've just become comfortable with who I am. When you grow up in a small town, as small a town as I did anyway, you are not always loved for who you are. So when people say things like, just be yourself, you can't actually ever do that because once your true colors are out there you can't hide them, you can't take them back. You know that letting people see you, for who you actually are, can be a major step in the wrong direction. You are constantly editing yourself, your behavior to fit into some mold. I never did really fit. No matter how hard I tried and believe me I really tried. It's all I ever wanted really. Growing up I just wanted to blend in. I just wanted to be like everyone else. Even when you look at pictures with friends and I, it easy to see that that was never, absolutely never going to happen. All of my friends were blond, blue eyed, thin, cute. Not short but not exactly tall either. I'm only 5'9", red headed, dark eyes, curvy... could never be described as cute in a million years. You see where I'm going here, right? If I couldn't blend in physically why did I ever think I blended in any other capacity?
Then lets go ahead and focus on the fact that I'm not quiet. I talk. I talk a lot and it has taken me years to be okay with that. And in the years when I wasn't okay with it and tried to sensor my every word, I looked and felt horribly uncomfortable. Because I was. It just isn't who I am. I'm not a wall flower, I don't hang on anyone's every word and I certainly have an opinion of my own.
But when you are a teenager and interested in boys, as I certainly was, you just want to be like everyone else. I would look in the mirror and think, I'm sort of pretty, I have all the right things in all the right places, so why don't any of the boys in my home town like me? Looking back I can accept the fact that teenage boys are not comfortable with a girl who knows what she wants. Let's be honest most grown men aren't comfortable with a woman who knows what she wants. And even though I've definitely had interims of space where I was confused or searching, most of the time I know what it is exactly that I want in life and I'm striving to get it. I was never good at playing the games. Stroke the ego and such. I just wanted someone to like me for who I was.
I always thought of myself as a giving person, but that wasn't cool so I just found other ways to do it. Like volunteer work or extra curricular activities that focused on community service. I was mean to people when others were because that is how you are "supposed to act" when you are a teenager but it always chafed. I wish I had been one of those teenagers we read about now-a-days. The ones who grasp opportunities to change their communities, who are comfortable in their own skin, who are focused and driven. Don't get me wrong, I was very active in almost everything in HS but I wonder, did I do it for me? Or because I was grasping for something? I tried so hard to fit in that when I left and allowed myself to be who I was I thought I'd changed.
So circling back to this change thing. I guess that friend of mine was right. I haven't changed. I even look pretty much the same. I just like myself now. Or moved to a place where I was allowed to grow and like myself. I didn't stay there. I couldn't. I was never accepted. I never fit in and even today when I return I find myself trying to edit my behavior. There is a Cross Canadian Ragweed song that says you are always 17 in you hometown. Well, that's accurate! As soon as I hit HWY163, I feel the change take over. I'm 17 and racing the clock back from Angelo on a Saturday afternoon with Jessica in the front seat of my truck, singing John Cougar Mellencamp.
Hhhhmmmmmmm, and then I'm jolted back by a swift kick to the back of my seat.
So I was in Ozona recently doing jewelry shows for my mom and a friend from school. I made the comment that I think I've changed a lot since my HS days and my friend disagreed. And as I got thinking about it I wondered why? Am I really the same or have I changed? And if I've changed, how exactly? And is this change something only I see? And if I'm the only to see it is actually real?
So now after a few weeks of wondering, thinking, deliberating... maybe I haven't changed. Maybe I've just become comfortable with who I am. When you grow up in a small town, as small a town as I did anyway, you are not always loved for who you are. So when people say things like, just be yourself, you can't actually ever do that because once your true colors are out there you can't hide them, you can't take them back. You know that letting people see you, for who you actually are, can be a major step in the wrong direction. You are constantly editing yourself, your behavior to fit into some mold. I never did really fit. No matter how hard I tried and believe me I really tried. It's all I ever wanted really. Growing up I just wanted to blend in. I just wanted to be like everyone else. Even when you look at pictures with friends and I, it easy to see that that was never, absolutely never going to happen. All of my friends were blond, blue eyed, thin, cute. Not short but not exactly tall either. I'm only 5'9", red headed, dark eyes, curvy... could never be described as cute in a million years. You see where I'm going here, right? If I couldn't blend in physically why did I ever think I blended in any other capacity?
Then lets go ahead and focus on the fact that I'm not quiet. I talk. I talk a lot and it has taken me years to be okay with that. And in the years when I wasn't okay with it and tried to sensor my every word, I looked and felt horribly uncomfortable. Because I was. It just isn't who I am. I'm not a wall flower, I don't hang on anyone's every word and I certainly have an opinion of my own.
But when you are a teenager and interested in boys, as I certainly was, you just want to be like everyone else. I would look in the mirror and think, I'm sort of pretty, I have all the right things in all the right places, so why don't any of the boys in my home town like me? Looking back I can accept the fact that teenage boys are not comfortable with a girl who knows what she wants. Let's be honest most grown men aren't comfortable with a woman who knows what she wants. And even though I've definitely had interims of space where I was confused or searching, most of the time I know what it is exactly that I want in life and I'm striving to get it. I was never good at playing the games. Stroke the ego and such. I just wanted someone to like me for who I was.
I always thought of myself as a giving person, but that wasn't cool so I just found other ways to do it. Like volunteer work or extra curricular activities that focused on community service. I was mean to people when others were because that is how you are "supposed to act" when you are a teenager but it always chafed. I wish I had been one of those teenagers we read about now-a-days. The ones who grasp opportunities to change their communities, who are comfortable in their own skin, who are focused and driven. Don't get me wrong, I was very active in almost everything in HS but I wonder, did I do it for me? Or because I was grasping for something? I tried so hard to fit in that when I left and allowed myself to be who I was I thought I'd changed.
So circling back to this change thing. I guess that friend of mine was right. I haven't changed. I even look pretty much the same. I just like myself now. Or moved to a place where I was allowed to grow and like myself. I didn't stay there. I couldn't. I was never accepted. I never fit in and even today when I return I find myself trying to edit my behavior. There is a Cross Canadian Ragweed song that says you are always 17 in you hometown. Well, that's accurate! As soon as I hit HWY163, I feel the change take over. I'm 17 and racing the clock back from Angelo on a Saturday afternoon with Jessica in the front seat of my truck, singing John Cougar Mellencamp.
Hhhhmmmmmmm, and then I'm jolted back by a swift kick to the back of my seat.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
From where I'm sitting...
Life is a whirlwind right now. I haven' written in a while, not since my "outburst". Thank you everyone for your kind words, thoughts, insights and for believing in me. I did get a part and am now in rehearsal. I'm daily reminded that it has been a while since I've done this. The rehearsal schedule reminds me that I have one week to get my lines memorized and no, typing it and re-reading it, did not make it seem less scary. It is still unbelievably petrifying... aaaahhhhhhhh!
The Christmas season is actively crawling its way to my door and that in and of itself is crazy! Where has this year gone? I know at the beginning of it I was pregnant, expecting my second little boy. And now he is almost 7 months old, huge and I'm pretty sure will be crawling by Christmas which is another active volcano of fear in my world.
I started selling Premier Design Jewelry which I am so far loving. I'll be honest and say that I started because something had to give financially. Two kiddos need a lot and I'm not good at budgeting so I had to find some way to bring in something extra. But I love jewelry, I love people, I love to talk, so this seemed like a great fit and like I said so far so good. I'd like/ love a little more work so if you are interested in hosting a party... please let me know... shameless plug done.
And as for my own business, The Jellybean Giraffe, I've been busy there as well. It's the season! Lots of custom clothes and bows and the such. I am however starting to not like my sewing machine so I may have to take a little break from ti for my own sanity.
I'm working on some ideas for some blog projects next year so I hope that they being to congeal in my head and really become something. I'll let you know more about those as they take root a little deeper. Okay that is all for today. I feel a little clearer. Back to the hot glue gun I go!
The Christmas season is actively crawling its way to my door and that in and of itself is crazy! Where has this year gone? I know at the beginning of it I was pregnant, expecting my second little boy. And now he is almost 7 months old, huge and I'm pretty sure will be crawling by Christmas which is another active volcano of fear in my world.
I started selling Premier Design Jewelry which I am so far loving. I'll be honest and say that I started because something had to give financially. Two kiddos need a lot and I'm not good at budgeting so I had to find some way to bring in something extra. But I love jewelry, I love people, I love to talk, so this seemed like a great fit and like I said so far so good. I'd like/ love a little more work so if you are interested in hosting a party... please let me know... shameless plug done.
And as for my own business, The Jellybean Giraffe, I've been busy there as well. It's the season! Lots of custom clothes and bows and the such. I am however starting to not like my sewing machine so I may have to take a little break from ti for my own sanity.
I'm working on some ideas for some blog projects next year so I hope that they being to congeal in my head and really become something. I'll let you know more about those as they take root a little deeper. Okay that is all for today. I feel a little clearer. Back to the hot glue gun I go!
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Brain Vomit
Ready. Set. Vomit...
I moved to Denton in the Fall of 2002. I loved everything about the city. I still do, even though I don't live there anymore. There is a vibe to Denton. I miss it most of the time. But I'm realistic in knowing that we can't possibly live there because it is much too far for Jason to drive to work. But... just because my brain knows that does not mean that my heart does.
Oh my goodness if only you could see all of the typos in the above paragraph. But of course you can't and you won't because I will fix them before I post this.
See I'm trying this word flow thing. And my brain works on a much faster level than my hands on my keyboard but since I'm trying to empty my brain I'm going to go with that is just not important at the moment.
I auditioned for a play. A play I really like. For a role or a couple of roles, that I really like. And I didn't tell anyone I was auditioning, which meant that I was probably too emotionally involved because I'm an open book on most things unless I'm emotionally invested in which case I keep my mouth shut. Anyway, I auditioned for this show and here is why that is important:
I'm scared.
Really scared. That I don't actually know how to be on stage anymore. That I've forgotten how important acting is to me and dove so far into being a mommy that I've lost who I am some how. I used to define myself by being able to take on a character. To live that character and maybe the only character I know anymore is Mommy. And that scares the shit out of me because I like to think I'm so much more than that. Not that it would be a bad thing if all I ever did with my life from this point on is raise two well adjusted, smart and wonderful little boys but really, I want so much more.
Even as I type this tears are streaming down my face which probably means that I'm being more honest right now that I've been in a long time. I'm really good at hiding things. I wrap up my world in a pretty bow. A tastefully wrapped, seasonally correct and festive package and present it to the world and hope that everyone loves it. I am the epitome of the hostess extraordinaire. Except that every time I throw a party I think that someone hates it... all of it. That everything I've done is wrong and boring and ugly.
I'm probably the most self conscious person anyone will ever meet except for the fact that you'd never know it. Unless you're smart enough to look past everything I present. Which some people are but lets face it no one really ever wants to get more than surface involved.
And let's talk about that. Surface Involved. It's the involved where you know someone but you would not be able to actually define anything real about them because you've never asked, they've never volunteered and you know if they did you'd find a reason to go take something out of the oven.
And though I'm good with metaphor, isn't just a way for a writer to ignore the truth? Really? I come up with phrases that express my mind but don't actually say what the problem is.
So here's the problem: I'm waiting. I'm waiting for cast list which I'm pretty sure, damn near positive, won't have my name on it and I'm not really sure why it won't? Do I just not have it anymore? That thing that makes people want to see you on stage? Have I lost something profound? I made my grandfather cry once. I was playing Lynda Loman in Death of a Salesman in High School and he cried. Of course you didn't know my grandfather, for that matter, neither did I but he just wasn't the type of guy who cried. Especially not at a play. So it was something that stuck with me, even then. Maybe I have something.... But after the last couple of days maybe I don't.
Maybe I never did. Maybe people were humoring me. Maybe I'm just mediocre and got lucky with some parts. Because everything I've auditioned for since I started having children has turned me down. I out on a brave face, I pretend that it doesn't bother me. But talking with a friend last night I realized that it's okay that it bother me. I'm older and I'm busy and I have to be picky and choosy about what I audition for because it's a time commitment. I can't just audition for everything and hope to get lucky. I have to check the calendar and make sure everything is going to work and so I don't get to audition very often. So when I do, I really want it. I've read the play, I've researched the author. I can talk plot and character development and foreshadowing and suspense. I have a vested interest. I WANT it. And so the older I get the more it hurts when I don't get the part. And maybe that is just how its supposed to be. Maybe the fact that it didn't hurt before meant it didn't mean as much as it does now or maybe I'm just reaching a point where I've analyzed my thought process to the point of no return. I see all of the angles, the ins and outs and the different analytical prospects.
The point being is I hate to wait. And I want to vomit but instead I word vomited, right here, for everyone to read.
Welcome to my head.
I moved to Denton in the Fall of 2002. I loved everything about the city. I still do, even though I don't live there anymore. There is a vibe to Denton. I miss it most of the time. But I'm realistic in knowing that we can't possibly live there because it is much too far for Jason to drive to work. But... just because my brain knows that does not mean that my heart does.
Oh my goodness if only you could see all of the typos in the above paragraph. But of course you can't and you won't because I will fix them before I post this.
See I'm trying this word flow thing. And my brain works on a much faster level than my hands on my keyboard but since I'm trying to empty my brain I'm going to go with that is just not important at the moment.
I auditioned for a play. A play I really like. For a role or a couple of roles, that I really like. And I didn't tell anyone I was auditioning, which meant that I was probably too emotionally involved because I'm an open book on most things unless I'm emotionally invested in which case I keep my mouth shut. Anyway, I auditioned for this show and here is why that is important:
I'm scared.
Really scared. That I don't actually know how to be on stage anymore. That I've forgotten how important acting is to me and dove so far into being a mommy that I've lost who I am some how. I used to define myself by being able to take on a character. To live that character and maybe the only character I know anymore is Mommy. And that scares the shit out of me because I like to think I'm so much more than that. Not that it would be a bad thing if all I ever did with my life from this point on is raise two well adjusted, smart and wonderful little boys but really, I want so much more.
Even as I type this tears are streaming down my face which probably means that I'm being more honest right now that I've been in a long time. I'm really good at hiding things. I wrap up my world in a pretty bow. A tastefully wrapped, seasonally correct and festive package and present it to the world and hope that everyone loves it. I am the epitome of the hostess extraordinaire. Except that every time I throw a party I think that someone hates it... all of it. That everything I've done is wrong and boring and ugly.
I'm probably the most self conscious person anyone will ever meet except for the fact that you'd never know it. Unless you're smart enough to look past everything I present. Which some people are but lets face it no one really ever wants to get more than surface involved.
And let's talk about that. Surface Involved. It's the involved where you know someone but you would not be able to actually define anything real about them because you've never asked, they've never volunteered and you know if they did you'd find a reason to go take something out of the oven.
And though I'm good with metaphor, isn't just a way for a writer to ignore the truth? Really? I come up with phrases that express my mind but don't actually say what the problem is.
So here's the problem: I'm waiting. I'm waiting for cast list which I'm pretty sure, damn near positive, won't have my name on it and I'm not really sure why it won't? Do I just not have it anymore? That thing that makes people want to see you on stage? Have I lost something profound? I made my grandfather cry once. I was playing Lynda Loman in Death of a Salesman in High School and he cried. Of course you didn't know my grandfather, for that matter, neither did I but he just wasn't the type of guy who cried. Especially not at a play. So it was something that stuck with me, even then. Maybe I have something.... But after the last couple of days maybe I don't.
Maybe I never did. Maybe people were humoring me. Maybe I'm just mediocre and got lucky with some parts. Because everything I've auditioned for since I started having children has turned me down. I out on a brave face, I pretend that it doesn't bother me. But talking with a friend last night I realized that it's okay that it bother me. I'm older and I'm busy and I have to be picky and choosy about what I audition for because it's a time commitment. I can't just audition for everything and hope to get lucky. I have to check the calendar and make sure everything is going to work and so I don't get to audition very often. So when I do, I really want it. I've read the play, I've researched the author. I can talk plot and character development and foreshadowing and suspense. I have a vested interest. I WANT it. And so the older I get the more it hurts when I don't get the part. And maybe that is just how its supposed to be. Maybe the fact that it didn't hurt before meant it didn't mean as much as it does now or maybe I'm just reaching a point where I've analyzed my thought process to the point of no return. I see all of the angles, the ins and outs and the different analytical prospects.
The point being is I hate to wait. And I want to vomit but instead I word vomited, right here, for everyone to read.
Welcome to my head.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
I lack FOCUS... continued...
1. Get dressed. Including shower, make-up and hair.
2. Finish, photograph and upload letter order.
3. Organize and sort all wreath projects.
4. Finish Believe Album.
5. Make 15 holiday bows.
Seems simple right? It wasn't... and I knew that by 10am. When Logan was refusing to nap and Carson wouldn't let me do anything without him behind immediately by my side. I eventually got Logan down, pulled out some "projects" for Carson, which did distract him enough for me to take a shower by myself. So what did I accomplish today? How did the single tasking work for me?
I showered. I finished, photographed and uploaded the letter order. And I organized and sorted my wreath projects. I DID NOT put on make-up or fix my hair (although I still might fix my hair tonight because then I won't have to do it in the morning, which will save me some time), I did not finish the BELIEVE album, although I did get a few more steps out of the way. And I did not even start on the bows. Unless you consider picking out all the different ribbons and accents a start.
The thing with this single tasking is you are supposed to dive into a project 100% and do it and it alone until you finish. Don't jump to anything else, don't put it aside and get up and go do something else. Just start and finish. Read this article for more info. This does not work in the world of Mommmy to babies and toddlers. Let me explain: Putting on my make-up and fixing my hair is something I like to do alone or just not do it. So I do this during nap time or before the boys are awake. Obviously some days I have no choice but to do it while Carson stares at me and constantly asks what "those" are and Logan coo's or fusses, depending on the day from his bouncer at my feet. But if we aren't going anywhere and I don't "have" to, then I just don't.
The letter order was pretty easy. It just needed some finishing touches and to dry completely but even that didn't work exactly right. Because after I took the photos Logan woke up from nap #2 and I had to feed him before I could upload the pics. I mean I didn't jump to another task after I fed him, I did upload the pics but still. Start to finish with one task without doing anything in between? UGH! The wreath projects were done during, the blisfullness that is double nap time (meaning they both slept at the same time), so one thing was started and finished and done quite well. It also didn't take very long because I wasn't thinking about anything else.
Now the last two. I started on the BELIEVE album and was distracted by Logan... he wanted to be played with and when I came back I wasn't "feeling" it anymore, so I started picking ribbon for the bows and then it was time to prep dinner and feed Logan and so on and so forth and now it's evening and I'm ready to have a glass of wine and decompress.
So, I'll try again tomorrow because I really think that this one thing at a time concept is something I need to try but today... not so much.
2. Finish, photograph and upload letter order.
3. Organize and sort all wreath projects.
4. Finish Believe Album.
5. Make 15 holiday bows.
Seems simple right? It wasn't... and I knew that by 10am. When Logan was refusing to nap and Carson wouldn't let me do anything without him behind immediately by my side. I eventually got Logan down, pulled out some "projects" for Carson, which did distract him enough for me to take a shower by myself. So what did I accomplish today? How did the single tasking work for me?
I showered. I finished, photographed and uploaded the letter order. And I organized and sorted my wreath projects. I DID NOT put on make-up or fix my hair (although I still might fix my hair tonight because then I won't have to do it in the morning, which will save me some time), I did not finish the BELIEVE album, although I did get a few more steps out of the way. And I did not even start on the bows. Unless you consider picking out all the different ribbons and accents a start.
The thing with this single tasking is you are supposed to dive into a project 100% and do it and it alone until you finish. Don't jump to anything else, don't put it aside and get up and go do something else. Just start and finish. Read this article for more info. This does not work in the world of Mommmy to babies and toddlers. Let me explain: Putting on my make-up and fixing my hair is something I like to do alone or just not do it. So I do this during nap time or before the boys are awake. Obviously some days I have no choice but to do it while Carson stares at me and constantly asks what "those" are and Logan coo's or fusses, depending on the day from his bouncer at my feet. But if we aren't going anywhere and I don't "have" to, then I just don't.
The letter order was pretty easy. It just needed some finishing touches and to dry completely but even that didn't work exactly right. Because after I took the photos Logan woke up from nap #2 and I had to feed him before I could upload the pics. I mean I didn't jump to another task after I fed him, I did upload the pics but still. Start to finish with one task without doing anything in between? UGH! The wreath projects were done during, the blisfullness that is double nap time (meaning they both slept at the same time), so one thing was started and finished and done quite well. It also didn't take very long because I wasn't thinking about anything else.
Now the last two. I started on the BELIEVE album and was distracted by Logan... he wanted to be played with and when I came back I wasn't "feeling" it anymore, so I started picking ribbon for the bows and then it was time to prep dinner and feed Logan and so on and so forth and now it's evening and I'm ready to have a glass of wine and decompress.
So, I'll try again tomorrow because I really think that this one thing at a time concept is something I need to try but today... not so much.
I lack Focus...
If you know me, you know this is true. I lack focus! I do a million things at one time. I feel like I have to. I've got 5 or 6 sewing projects going at one time, 2 or 3 craft projects going, 2 or 3 painting projects going + laundry, organizing, bill paying, cleaning, changing the sheets and towels, running errands, grocery shopping... well you get the idea. But today, thanks to Susie Moore, I found this article and thanks to the above I found this article.
FOCUS... who has the time to focus? I'm busy. I'm a stay at home mom who is trying to run a business (soon to be two businesses) and still find time for a shower and make-up and get food on the table 3 times per day. I'm the type of person who doesn't feel she's accomplishing anything unless she's accomplishing a lot, so I take on a lot. I'm not going to lie, I like it that way. I like to be busy. It's all I've ever known. I used to joke, but there was some serious truth to it, that I saw my parents more the year after I went to college (6 hours away) then I did my Junior and Senior years of HS. You laugh but like I said... TRUTH! I played golf, was a Varsity basketball manager, on the yearbook staff, was in charge of sports photography, took dance lessons, student council, church youth council, 4-H leadership council, multiple 4-H activities, One-Act play, multiple UIL events, Health Occupations Students of America, volunteered at the county museum and if someone asked... chances are I helped. I am conditioned to be a busy person.
Now recently there has been a lot of articles and news programs about how much our children do, when is it too much and so on and so forth but... I was of the first generation. The first generation of the multi-tasking youth who pushed hard, worked hard and never slept. When I got to college I rebelled! I didn't go to football games, I didn't join organizations, I didn't participate. I did one show my freshman year and when I wasn't cast in anything my second semester, I didn't dive into any other projects, I just took a step back and took a deep breath. As college progressed I dove back in. And then one day I looked up and I was once again doing it all.
So I am conditioned to be this way. It's who I am... it is ingrained into my being. And it's time to change that.
It's going to be a long process. Even as I type this blog I've jumped from article to article and checked my email and changed a diaper and refilled my coffee. Some things can't be avoided (diapers...yuck!) but some things can. So it's 8:40 am and I'm going to try this single tasking thing today. I've got a list of 5 things to accomplish today, beyond the normal "take care of my children" tasks, and I'll weigh in tonight. Here goes...
FOCUS... who has the time to focus? I'm busy. I'm a stay at home mom who is trying to run a business (soon to be two businesses) and still find time for a shower and make-up and get food on the table 3 times per day. I'm the type of person who doesn't feel she's accomplishing anything unless she's accomplishing a lot, so I take on a lot. I'm not going to lie, I like it that way. I like to be busy. It's all I've ever known. I used to joke, but there was some serious truth to it, that I saw my parents more the year after I went to college (6 hours away) then I did my Junior and Senior years of HS. You laugh but like I said... TRUTH! I played golf, was a Varsity basketball manager, on the yearbook staff, was in charge of sports photography, took dance lessons, student council, church youth council, 4-H leadership council, multiple 4-H activities, One-Act play, multiple UIL events, Health Occupations Students of America, volunteered at the county museum and if someone asked... chances are I helped. I am conditioned to be a busy person.
Now recently there has been a lot of articles and news programs about how much our children do, when is it too much and so on and so forth but... I was of the first generation. The first generation of the multi-tasking youth who pushed hard, worked hard and never slept. When I got to college I rebelled! I didn't go to football games, I didn't join organizations, I didn't participate. I did one show my freshman year and when I wasn't cast in anything my second semester, I didn't dive into any other projects, I just took a step back and took a deep breath. As college progressed I dove back in. And then one day I looked up and I was once again doing it all.
So I am conditioned to be this way. It's who I am... it is ingrained into my being. And it's time to change that.
It's going to be a long process. Even as I type this blog I've jumped from article to article and checked my email and changed a diaper and refilled my coffee. Some things can't be avoided (diapers...yuck!) but some things can. So it's 8:40 am and I'm going to try this single tasking thing today. I've got a list of 5 things to accomplish today, beyond the normal "take care of my children" tasks, and I'll weigh in tonight. Here goes...
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