It's raining Jellybeans!!! And I know this sounds wonderful. Why wouldn't it be? Sweet, delicious, a multitude of flavors, minimal fat and calories. Okay let's get real for just a second... it hurts! They are tiny little hail balls that leave bruises, get smooshed into every little thing and leave a sticky mess for you to clean up. And let's face it, I'm not talking about jellybeans. I'm talking about all of life's little problems. The laundry, the dishes, the toys, the errands, the bills, the yardwork... the stress!
Today I found myself at my wit's end. I'm 10 (almost 11) weeks into my second pregnancy. I have a two year old son who is... well, everything! He lights up my world in ways I never thought possible and he adds so much happiness to the everyday and mundane. My husband... well he's my soulmate. Simple as that. We knew almost instantly when we met the first week of college that this was it for us. We are your average young family right now. Things are tight but doable, stressful but we can handle it and like everyone else we lose it some days. I lost it today.
One too many bills, one too many things to do and one (or ten) too little hours in the day. It doesn't help that I'm a ball of 1st trimester emotions jut waiting to explode or that the nausea is sometimes unbearable or that my son is very "independent" these days. But by the time I got him up, fed, dressed and re-dressed (because I forgot it was picture day), lunch packed, blanket and binky found and car keys in my hand we were running 15 minutes late to MDO. Which is another thing altogether for another time... me and my lateness. You do notice all of that said nothing about me getting dressed or getting my hair fixed or getting any make-up on.
By the time I got there I was crying/ sobbing and a friend took him inside to his class for me. I talked on the phone with my Mom, who as a younger person I didn't have a great relationship with, but now can't imagine my life without. She helped calm me down and reminded me they are there to help. Reminded me that they love me. Reminded me that everyone goes through hard times. Reminded me this is life. I do have wonderful parents. We all have complaints about childhood but at the end of the day my parents are there... and that is parenting at it's finest!
Then the best thing in the world happened. And it may seem small but it changed the day for me. That friend asked me to breakfast. And here is what I learned: I have everything I could ever want in the people that surround me. I have a son who wakes up every morning saying, "Mommy!... Hello, Mommy!... Mommy, Hello!". And when I come into his room every morning he says, "Look, I have feet!", as if I did not know this. As if he just realized he has feet, even though he's two and is well aware of his feet. Someday he won't say this anymore so it seems vital to me now. A husband who basically loves everything about me and when he is able spoils me rotten. He's my best friend. A family who loves me, including two older sisters who I now have a fabulous relationship with. And friends.
They're important. Because they are the family you choose. Friends... the close ones... are not required to be there, by blood or anything else. They choose to love you, they choose to be there for you... and they flat out choose you. That friend didn't say anything of revelation, she didn't offer advice that would greatly alter my life, she just went to breakfast with me and talked and made me laugh. She just reminded my that everything is temporary and things change... and none of this happens on our schedule.
So for now... the Jellybeans are sweet. Right now the Jellybeans are the sugar high I need. Right now, the Jellybeans are bright and shiny and just what I needed! But I'll be careful and take it one breath at a time... because I know that tomorrow, it might rain Jellybeans.
