Okay not completely gone but my motivation is drifting away slowly. I'm almost 1 month in and though I feel great I don't really see much of a change and that is frustrating. Beyond frustrating actually. It royally pisses me off. I'm working out 5-6 days a week. That, my friends, is a lot and I look in the mirror and am still just not at all happy. Maybe it's just today but all I can manage to see are the problems, the thing I hope to change. I'm busting my ass here and I would like to see some instant results...
...which I realize is not at all how this works. I'm going for a life long change here and it's going to take time. Blah, blah, blah! Just once I'd like some instant results! I want to wake up tomorrow morning and look in the mirror and see something I like. Yes, if I stood there I could point out the areas I like but I'm first drawn to the ones I don't and by that time my positive thinking has hitched up its skirt and found the nearest exit. And honestly, today, I just didn't feel like chasing that b*tch down.
So instead I drug myself to the gym where I did an hour and 15 minutes of cardio (split up between the stationary bike, the elliptical and the treadmill) and then did 20 minutes of ab work. And in the end I was sweaty, tired, smelly and really just wanted some chocolate. Brownies maybe? Homemade chocolate chip cookies... oooooh, or chocolate cake. Mmmmmmmmmmmmm! Chocolate cake with pecans, maybe a strawberry filling. No, no, a raspberry filling. And when I got home instead of baking anything I fed my boys, got them down for naps and had a very, very large salad with carrots and cucumbers and tomatoes and boiled shrimp. And let's not forget the large glass of water, which makes number 4 for the day.
If I sound bitter it's because I am. I want whipped cream and cheese and bread to be the things that are low in calories. I want ice cream and red meat and cream sauces to be the things I should be focusing on. Why, oh why, could I not have been born a size 2 who eats everything in sight and never gains a frackin' pound?!?!?!?!?!?!
Okay venting complete. So as I hit this wall, I look to Monday which begins Week 5 of 5 Days for 5 Months. It also, is the start of Boot Camp. Stay tuned for my thoughts on this little adventure. But right now? Well, I hear a baby crying...
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Monday, July 19, 2010
So far so good...
I'm two weeks into this 5 Days for 5 Months journey I've put myself on. And so far so good. I've lost 1" in my waist but as I said before no scale so who knows weight wise. I feel good, I feel positive, I feel every muscle in my body! And they scream loudly! But the endorphins have kicked in and it's easy to get myself to the gym. I really thought it would be at least a month of me forcing myself and dragging myself to the gym before I started looking forward to it but like I said I'm enjoying myself. I'm averaging an hour of cardio 5 days a week with weight lifting and ab work 3-4 days.
I am sore though and it's a never ending constant sore since I'm using different muscle groups and really pushing myself to do a little more each time. My good friend Monica keeps it interesting by forcing me to use that damned rowing machine... I hate that thing! But I got even by making her get on the stair machine. However my rear end feels like it's been hit by a Mack Truck.
I've never been good at the food thing though and I feel like I've made some real progress. I've doubled my veggie and fruit intake and really watched the carbs. And I've been relying on dark chocolate to get me through the sweet cravings. One, little piece of dark chocolate. I know it's okay to cheat every now and then but I feel like I have to make it a couple of months at least before I can let myself cheat once a week. I have a bad habit of binge eating. Standing at the door of the pantry and just eating cookie after cookie, or standing in the kitchen picking at a hundred different things. I can finish off a family size bag of M'n'M's without even thinking and then I will just feel guilty so I'll eat more. Emotional eater anyone?
Tonight I hit the gym with Monica. Lord, give me strength!
I am sore though and it's a never ending constant sore since I'm using different muscle groups and really pushing myself to do a little more each time. My good friend Monica keeps it interesting by forcing me to use that damned rowing machine... I hate that thing! But I got even by making her get on the stair machine. However my rear end feels like it's been hit by a Mack Truck.
I've never been good at the food thing though and I feel like I've made some real progress. I've doubled my veggie and fruit intake and really watched the carbs. And I've been relying on dark chocolate to get me through the sweet cravings. One, little piece of dark chocolate. I know it's okay to cheat every now and then but I feel like I have to make it a couple of months at least before I can let myself cheat once a week. I have a bad habit of binge eating. Standing at the door of the pantry and just eating cookie after cookie, or standing in the kitchen picking at a hundred different things. I can finish off a family size bag of M'n'M's without even thinking and then I will just feel guilty so I'll eat more. Emotional eater anyone?
Tonight I hit the gym with Monica. Lord, give me strength!
Dreamin'
Picture this: You are laying on the side of a river. Tall grass, birds flying over head, washed in sunlight, puffy "Simpson-esque" clouds floating above you. And blackout! You are being forced into a Hannah Montana costume by Candice Bergen ala Ms. Congeniality and your "boyfriend" is standing beside her telling you that, "you have to agree to do this... everyone is counting on you... don't worry, it will all be over soon".
I'm going to go with the Disney channel is on way to often in my household. I have strange dreams, I always have. I once dreamed I drove my sister, in her old Ford Escort, off the side of a cliff onto a giant trampoline because my niece told me she wanted to fly. My niece was like 3 at the time and I was all of 12 maybe 13.
Pregnant with Carson I used to dream he would crawl out of me, sit on my belly and talk to me. Not about anything important, just that he wanted his bottles warmed up and I was to make sure that all of his blankets were soft and none of his toys were girly. I should have known then I was going to ave a picky child.
And pregnant with Logan? Oh good grief. I gave birth to purple martians who sang show-tunes, I was locked in a bubble with Hillary Clinton while she gave me parenting advice (that might fall into the nightmare category), and my personal fave, Logan is born but is a girl and spend the entire dream telling my wonderful husband Jason, that I don't care if "he" was born female! "His" name is Logan and we already decorated the nursery and "he" would just have to get used to the idea of being a boy!
But the latest one takes the cake. I promise. There I am enjoying a nice peaceful rest on the side of a river and suddenly I'm back stage being forced into costume to go onstage as Hannah Montana. Only backstage looks very similar to the bathroom I had growing up (long, narrow and painted blue with yellow countertops) and the evil manager who is forcing this one me is Candice Bergen as the character she played in Ms. Congeniality. Needless to say, she's the bad guy in this scenario. The "boyfriend" standing by my side throughout looks like one of the Jonas brothers but I'm not really sure which one and he's telling me, "I have to do this"!
So now picture me in a tiny little teeny bopper costume (luckily in my dreams I still look the way I did at 16), semi-rocker chic with lots of hot pink and purple extensions and wrist warmers, walking to the stage crying that I don't know the songs or the dances, that I'm going to make a fool of myself and they can't make me do this! The last thing I remember before I'm shoved on stage into the bright circular spotlight and I finally wake up is this, "Just make up the words! No one will know!"
................................................
Quit laughing! Okay don't but analyze with me. Most of the time I feel like I'm making it up as I go. And most of the time I am. I've never been a parent before, it's not like there is a manual or a rule book or anything. But my biggest fear is that someone will look at me some day and say, "You're a big phony. You don't know what the hell your doing!" So although I'm not really sure what any of the rest of the dream meant I got the ending loud and clear... It's time to relax. To trust myself and just go. In the end there only two people I have to answer to, myself and God. That is quite possibly the best advice Cher ever gave!
I'm going to go with the Disney channel is on way to often in my household. I have strange dreams, I always have. I once dreamed I drove my sister, in her old Ford Escort, off the side of a cliff onto a giant trampoline because my niece told me she wanted to fly. My niece was like 3 at the time and I was all of 12 maybe 13.
Pregnant with Carson I used to dream he would crawl out of me, sit on my belly and talk to me. Not about anything important, just that he wanted his bottles warmed up and I was to make sure that all of his blankets were soft and none of his toys were girly. I should have known then I was going to ave a picky child.
And pregnant with Logan? Oh good grief. I gave birth to purple martians who sang show-tunes, I was locked in a bubble with Hillary Clinton while she gave me parenting advice (that might fall into the nightmare category), and my personal fave, Logan is born but is a girl and spend the entire dream telling my wonderful husband Jason, that I don't care if "he" was born female! "His" name is Logan and we already decorated the nursery and "he" would just have to get used to the idea of being a boy!
But the latest one takes the cake. I promise. There I am enjoying a nice peaceful rest on the side of a river and suddenly I'm back stage being forced into costume to go onstage as Hannah Montana. Only backstage looks very similar to the bathroom I had growing up (long, narrow and painted blue with yellow countertops) and the evil manager who is forcing this one me is Candice Bergen as the character she played in Ms. Congeniality. Needless to say, she's the bad guy in this scenario. The "boyfriend" standing by my side throughout looks like one of the Jonas brothers but I'm not really sure which one and he's telling me, "I have to do this"!
So now picture me in a tiny little teeny bopper costume (luckily in my dreams I still look the way I did at 16), semi-rocker chic with lots of hot pink and purple extensions and wrist warmers, walking to the stage crying that I don't know the songs or the dances, that I'm going to make a fool of myself and they can't make me do this! The last thing I remember before I'm shoved on stage into the bright circular spotlight and I finally wake up is this, "Just make up the words! No one will know!"
................................................
Quit laughing! Okay don't but analyze with me. Most of the time I feel like I'm making it up as I go. And most of the time I am. I've never been a parent before, it's not like there is a manual or a rule book or anything. But my biggest fear is that someone will look at me some day and say, "You're a big phony. You don't know what the hell your doing!" So although I'm not really sure what any of the rest of the dream meant I got the ending loud and clear... It's time to relax. To trust myself and just go. In the end there only two people I have to answer to, myself and God. That is quite possibly the best advice Cher ever gave!
Friday, July 9, 2010
And the journey begins...
... The Weight Loss Journey... The Tone-Up Journey... The Just Like What I See in the Mirror Journey... The Less Jiggling Journey... The No More Muffin Top Journey...
I could come up with names for hours for the ridiculousness that is my battle with my self confidence, which is directly related to my battle with my body. I'm not fat, don't think I'm saying that. I'm tall and I'm curvy and I carry weight very well so most of the time people look at me like I'm crazy when I say I want to lose 30 lbs but really... I want to lose 30 lbs!
I say 30 it could be 25, it could be 40, really I wouldn't know. I don't own a scale and I don't intend on buying one. That's the way I like it because I try to look at weight as just a number. A number that doesn't matter as long as I like the way my clothes fit and am relatively happy in a swim suit. I also want to be healthy and fit and active. I want to be able to do everything my boys want me to do with them, be that swimming or hiking or camping or playing soccer or whatever. So as of July 5 I started what I'm calling 5 Days for 5 Months.
For the next 5 months I will workout at least 5 days a week. Today is July 10 and I can honestly say that I did it! Well this week at least. So week 1 down and... (I suck at math)... however many more weeks to go.
I'm working on a plan, a what I'm going to do plan. But so far just lots of Cardio and Pilates. I have a fear of bulking up. I'm not exactly petite... or even close to it really and I'm pretty sure if I put my mind to it I could be a female body builder. And since I have no desire to look like a female version of The Governor of California, I will more than likely stay away from all exercise that involves lots and lots of heavy weights. Toning is the goal here, a semi-flat tummy (I've had babies, so I'm being realistic) and little to no jiggle in the thigh and buttocks area. I'd also like to get rid of that underarm thing... you know what I'm talking about.
So here it is, on the World Wide Web for all to read and hold me accountable. 5 Days for 5 Months... May the force be with me!
I could come up with names for hours for the ridiculousness that is my battle with my self confidence, which is directly related to my battle with my body. I'm not fat, don't think I'm saying that. I'm tall and I'm curvy and I carry weight very well so most of the time people look at me like I'm crazy when I say I want to lose 30 lbs but really... I want to lose 30 lbs!
I say 30 it could be 25, it could be 40, really I wouldn't know. I don't own a scale and I don't intend on buying one. That's the way I like it because I try to look at weight as just a number. A number that doesn't matter as long as I like the way my clothes fit and am relatively happy in a swim suit. I also want to be healthy and fit and active. I want to be able to do everything my boys want me to do with them, be that swimming or hiking or camping or playing soccer or whatever. So as of July 5 I started what I'm calling 5 Days for 5 Months.
For the next 5 months I will workout at least 5 days a week. Today is July 10 and I can honestly say that I did it! Well this week at least. So week 1 down and... (I suck at math)... however many more weeks to go.
I'm working on a plan, a what I'm going to do plan. But so far just lots of Cardio and Pilates. I have a fear of bulking up. I'm not exactly petite... or even close to it really and I'm pretty sure if I put my mind to it I could be a female body builder. And since I have no desire to look like a female version of The Governor of California, I will more than likely stay away from all exercise that involves lots and lots of heavy weights. Toning is the goal here, a semi-flat tummy (I've had babies, so I'm being realistic) and little to no jiggle in the thigh and buttocks area. I'd also like to get rid of that underarm thing... you know what I'm talking about.
So here it is, on the World Wide Web for all to read and hold me accountable. 5 Days for 5 Months... May the force be with me!
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