Going, going, gone...

Okay not completely gone but my motivation is drifting away slowly. I'm almost 1 month in and though I feel great I don't really see much of a change and that is frustrating. Beyond frustrating actually. It royally pisses me off. I'm working out 5-6 days a week. That, my friends, is a lot and I look in the mirror and am still just not at all happy. Maybe it's just today but all I can manage to see are the problems, the thing I hope to change. I'm busting my ass here and I would like to see some instant results...

...which I realize is not at all how this works. I'm going for a life long change here and it's going to take time. Blah, blah, blah! Just once I'd like some instant results! I want to wake up tomorrow morning and look in the mirror and see something I like. Yes, if I stood there I could point out the areas I like but I'm first drawn to the ones I don't and by that time my positive thinking has hitched up its skirt and found the nearest exit. And honestly, today, I just didn't feel like chasing that b*tch down.

So instead I drug myself to the gym where I did an hour and 15 minutes of cardio (split up between the stationary bike, the elliptical and the treadmill) and then did 20 minutes of ab work. And in the end I was sweaty, tired, smelly and really just wanted some chocolate. Brownies maybe? Homemade chocolate chip cookies... oooooh, or chocolate cake. Mmmmmmmmmmmmm! Chocolate cake with pecans, maybe a strawberry filling. No, no, a raspberry filling. And when I got home instead of baking anything I fed my boys, got them down for naps and had a very, very large salad with carrots and cucumbers and tomatoes and boiled shrimp. And let's not forget the large glass of water, which makes number 4 for the day.

If I sound bitter it's because I am. I want whipped cream and cheese and bread to be the things that are low in calories. I want ice cream and red meat and cream sauces to be the things I should be focusing on. Why, oh why, could I not have been born a size 2 who eats everything in sight and never gains a frackin' pound?!?!?!?!?!?!

Okay venting complete. So as I hit this wall, I look to Monday which begins Week 5 of 5 Days for 5 Months. It also, is the start of Boot Camp. Stay tuned for my thoughts on this little adventure. But right now? Well, I hear a baby crying...