Dreamin'

Picture this: You are laying on the side of a river. Tall grass, birds flying over head, washed in sunlight, puffy "Simpson-esque" clouds floating above you. And blackout! You are being forced into a Hannah Montana costume by Candice Bergen ala Ms. Congeniality and your "boyfriend" is standing beside her telling you that, "you have to agree to do this... everyone is counting on you... don't worry, it will all be over soon".

I'm going to go with the Disney channel is on way to often in my household. I have strange dreams, I always have. I once dreamed I drove my sister, in her old Ford Escort, off the side of a cliff onto a giant trampoline because my niece told me she wanted to fly. My niece was like 3 at the time and I was all of 12 maybe 13.

Pregnant with Carson I used to dream he would crawl out of me, sit on my belly and talk to me. Not about anything important, just that he wanted his bottles warmed up and I was to make sure that all of his blankets were soft and none of his toys were girly. I should have known then I was going to ave a picky child.

And pregnant with Logan? Oh good grief. I gave birth to purple martians who sang show-tunes, I was locked in a bubble with Hillary Clinton while she gave me parenting advice (that might fall into the nightmare category), and my personal fave, Logan is born but is a girl and spend the entire dream telling my wonderful husband Jason, that I don't care if "he" was born female! "His" name is Logan and we already decorated the nursery and "he" would just have to get used to the idea of being a boy!

But the latest one takes the cake. I promise. There I am enjoying a nice peaceful rest on the side of a river and suddenly I'm back stage being forced into costume to go onstage as Hannah Montana. Only backstage looks very similar to the bathroom I had growing up (long, narrow and painted blue with yellow countertops) and the evil manager who is forcing this one me is Candice Bergen as the character she played in Ms. Congeniality. Needless to say, she's the bad guy in this scenario. The "boyfriend" standing by my side throughout looks like one of the Jonas brothers but I'm not really sure which one and he's telling me, "I have to do this"!

So now picture me in a tiny little teeny bopper costume (luckily in my dreams I still look the way I did at 16), semi-rocker chic with lots of hot pink and purple extensions and wrist warmers, walking to the stage crying that I don't know the songs or the dances, that I'm going to make a fool of myself and they can't make me do this! The last thing I remember before I'm shoved on stage into the bright circular spotlight and I finally wake up is this, "Just make up the words! No one will know!"
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Quit laughing! Okay don't but analyze with me. Most of the time I feel like I'm making it up as I go. And most of the time I am. I've never been a parent before, it's not like there is a manual or a rule book or anything. But my biggest fear is that someone will look at me some day and say, "You're a big phony. You don't know what the hell your doing!" So although I'm not really sure what any of the rest of the dream meant I got the ending loud and clear... It's time to relax. To trust myself and just go. In the end there only two people I have to answer to, myself and God. That is quite possibly the best advice Cher ever gave!