Where/ Why/ Who

Questions. Simple questions. Very difficult answers depending on the application of the small word. It's not "Where are my keys?" or "Where are we going?"... it's "Where do I want to be a year, 5 years, 10 years from now?". And if it was a geographical question it would be simpler, I'm sure. But it isn't geographical at all.

Why? Well, because I'm not completely happy or satisfied. Don't misunderstand, please. I'm happy. I just feel as if there are some things missing. And its time to get serious about creating a life that completely satisfies me. There was a news program on TV this morning about women who are turning 50 this year and are reclaiming their lives. I don't want to wait until I'm 50 to start discovering WHO I'm meant to be.

And on we go to Who. Who am I? What makes me happy? What do I enjoy? What will make my life easier? What needs to change in order to live my best life possible? And so I am now embarking on the list. Oh, the list. Don't consider it a bucket list, because it isn't... maybe I'll do that later on in the year. This list will be about me. Things I need to do, to accomplish, to try, so that I can live my very best life. I know there are books on the subject. I might even grab a few and read them, a trip to the bookstore sounds great actually! Some of these things are simple. Clean out the closets, get rid of the clutter, learn to put things away after I use them, stop stacking things on top of each other and creating piles of junk everywhere.

Oh my goodness, the clutter! I hate clutter. Hate it and yet I continually allow it to dominate my spaces. This has to stop. It makes me nervous and antsy and angry. I need filing systems for paperwork for both businesses that consist of more than a folder stuffed to capacity. I NEED a filing system for Jason and I! We need a tougher living budget and the boys have too many toys. My craft room needs an overhaul as does my kitchen. And most of all, the first thing that must happen, THE CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS MUST COME DOWN!

Church has got to be a priority again. And since Jason and I are in the process of trying to find a new church home, I've got to do some research, ask some questions and get serious about it. We want something that feels small, so we can get to know people, but is large enough to provide multiple opportunities for involvement, and has a well developed music program. And it must be closer to home. Bent Tree is wonderful, we love it there but the distance makes weekly involvement almost impossible.

Three months ago I was spending five days a week at the gym. I felt so good about myself. I almost can't put it into words. I'm going to go with endorphins. I was happier, healthier, I looked better. And it needs to be a larger priority but as we all know, when we get busy, the first thing to go is the gym.

So these questions need answering and I'm going to work on those answers but first I'm going to make a list. I feel like if I take care of the small things in my life that are overwhelming me that the larger things will start to fall into place. That if the small things that take over my brain power are erased then I can focus more clearly on the tasks that will help me to become someone I smile at in the mirror. The ultimate goal: to be someone that God, my husband and my children can be proud of. Or maybe someone I can be proud of... I'll work on that one.